Damn oxygen tank.  You first showed up in my last journaling workshop.  An image to explain Jim’s condition and when we visited them after that weekend, we saw the man hooking Jim up to it in their living room.  You hid behind Jim’s bed.  But we could see your clear tubing coil around the head of the bed and meet at his hairy nostrils.  The tubes.  The green tank.  The fear you brought.  Heavy, like your tank.  You were there to help, but we all feared you – fear of running out of you, not knowing how to operate you…explosion, and fear of what you represented.  Jim hated you.  You turned from nostril tubings to a face mask.  One more thing to keep Jim from speaking.  You were life giving but represented death coming.  At times, I feel like I need you now.  Weird.  Thinking about you causes me to breathe in deeply.  When I feel like I am drowning.  I feel like I caused your manifestation.  You are cold and condescending in our need for you.  Metal, plastic, black knob.  False hope.  Real fear.  You’re choking me and you know it.  You are my guilt.

Have any of you seen a dying person on oxygen?

There’s this weird hope that comes when they bring in an oxygen tank to a dying person.  “Oh!  Oxygen…great!  He can breathe…” but he can’t speak or move his cancer ridden body and “it’s any time now….” But THANK JESUS FOR OXYGEN!  Maybe that tank will buy us a few more days or months.  Maybe it will be just what he needs to miraculously get up and walk!  A good dose of oxygen will cure that cancer.

The oxygen tank was supposed to fill us with hope, but it’s this false hope.  It’s real oxygen, but the reality is, Geoff’s dad was dying, regardless of how much air we pumped into him.  False hope, given by a very real and necessary thing.

We do this to ourselves.  There are times where we are grasping for air – we can’t breathe because whatever we are facing seems to be choking the life out of us and if only we could just get some oxygen everything will be just fine.  We will have the life pumped back into us.  So we grab whatever we can to give us this sense of hope and feel better momentarily…because we all know as soon as we turn the knob off, we won’t be able to breathe on our own.

Most recently, for me, avoiding the guilt that had settled in me over Jim’s death was consuming me.  I felt guilty because we had spent a weekend up at Mt Hood with our intensive journaling group while he was lying in a hospital bed at home, without need for help in breathing.  This is where I first had a vision of the oxygen tank.  We immediately drove to my in-law’s home the Sunday after journaling was complete and they were installing the oxygen tank.  I thought I had done this to Jim, because of my writing.  The day before Jim died, he was pulling at something as he was uncomfortable.  I knew it was his catheter and I tried to tell the hospice worker and Geoff’s sister what was happening.  They rushed to his side and instead of dealing with the catheter, they positioned him in a really weird, had-to- be uncomfortable position and instead of standing up for him, I just let them do it because I didn’t want to embarrass him or myself if I was wrong about the catheter.  In the middle of the night, he pulled out the catheter in a fit of rage and the next afternoon, he died.  This was my fault.  The third thing was in the selling of the cabin on Mt. Hood.  If I had only worked harder to save my money, I could have saved the cabin.  If only I had been more responsible or fought with my mother-in-law, instead of using the excuse that it wasn’t my place to step in, we would still have that piece of family legacy and not all would have been lost.  In the midst of my grief the past year and a half, I was also carrying this huge cement block of guilt.  Except it wasn’t really a cement block…it was more like wet cement had been poured into my lungs and I was trying to breathe but couldn’t.  Instead of taking a moment to pause and take a look at what was happening, I had to show well – I am brave.  I am an intelligent person.  I need to strive harder at work so I can provide for my family like Jim did and prove to my mother-in-law I am financially trustworthy.  I had to suck it up and show support of something (the sale of the cabin) that I really wasn’t supportive of and smile through it because it just wasn’t my place and I needed to stay on her “good side”.  I held the guilt because I thought I deserved it.  I gained and lost weight and gained weight.  But, if I just hold myself high, suck in my gut, get promoted and show just how I can spin all these plates and balance on a rubber ball like a Cirque du Soleil act, I will survive!  I’m a survivor dammit!  I will show well and I will prove myself and  I will…be choked out.  I need to show well.  I need to save face.  I need to….HOLD MY BREATH THROUGH THIS MOMENT AND EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE….GASP! PUUUH!…The guilt will go away, right?

I was placing this oxygen mask of “if I don’t bring it up, there will be peace for everyone and that’s good” over my face and the tubes that pump the lie of what showing well does for a person into my nostrils.  I need to show well.  Showing well means I am well, right?

I realized the oxygen I was giving myself was actually just sustaining my condition and not healing me.  It was sustaining my condition.   I was choking on wet cement and fixing it by covering my mouth.   I needed to voice my pain to someone I trusted and needed the ok to not be ok with what happened.  I also needed someone to give me permission to be hurt.  I needed permission to voice what I had done.  I needed someone to tell me I couldn’t control those things.  I needed a surgical procedure to pull out what was killing me, instead of sustaining my illness.

In order for me to stop choking, I had to be honest with people I trusted.  This only happened recently in our grief journaling weekend.  Thank God for Geoff, Jesse and Tiffany.  They were there, in the operating room with me.  I wasn’t alone.  Their ability to just listen to me be honest about where I was and acknowledge my pain, without judgment or advice or saying I was silly for feeling guilt over those things….THAT is what allowed me to take off the oxygen mask and breathe on my own.  Taking the tubes out of my nose and turning the black knob to “off” meant I had to trust the people around me.  I had to pause and be still and address what was happening to me, both internally and physically.  I needed permission to not be ok.  I had to have someone say to me, “Crystal, Jim would have died with or without the tank.  His cancer had consumed his body and that had nothing to do with oxygen and everything to do with cancer killing him.”  I started breathing on my own.  It wasn’t easy because I became accustomed to the false life-giving behaviors I had adopted.  There were and still are times where I GASP for air because I forget that I can breathe on my own and control whether or not I am sustaining my condition or healing it.

There are things we all do to sustain our condition because we just can’t breathe and if we can JUST BREATHE for a moment, everything will be ok:  Avoidance, Work, Eating, The Mask of Happiness, Gathering Friends to insure we are “Right”, Spending money (shopping therapy), Dieting, Over-exercising, Manipulating others, Spinning stories, Retreating into yourself – hermit, Retreating into legalism/religion, Sarcasm/Cynicism, things we do that we can control because we feel like we are dying and we can’t control that.

Those things don’t change our condition.  The cancer that is eating us is still consuming us, even when wearing a mask.

So how do we learn to breathe on our own?

(reference) Exodus 14:1-30

Imagine you spent the majority of your life raising someone else’s children.  You worked their land, built their houses, kept their property tidy.  You built their cities.  You fed, clothed and kept them well.  Then, those children you raised, the men you helped thrive were out to kill you.  They are chasing after you because they hate you.

Your friend says to follow him because he follows your God and your God will bring the rescue.  You don’t really know what you are doing.  Your scrambling.  Terrified.  You are exhausted, heartbroken and bewildered.

As you are running you come to a place where you are all about to be slaughtered.  Instead of really assessing the situation and pausing for a moment you start yelling at the friend you were following.  It was, after all, his fault for bringing you to this point.  WHAT A DOUCHE!  You start saying things like, (verse 11) “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? ¹² Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”

They would have rather stayed slaves because at the very least, they knew what they were doing.  Being a slave was the safe choice.  We do that.  We are slaves to our unhealth, because, I at least know that eating this or drinking that or saying this or saying that will result in x-y-or z.  I may feel like shit afterward and deal with guilt and self-hatred, but at least that is safe.

¹³ Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. ¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

The Israelites were scrambling and scared and in need of a rescue.  They were in a situation where they were out of their league.  This was war.  A real life or death situation.  The Egyptians were about to consume them and what they were doing was barely sustaining their situation, not fixing it.  They needed to stop what they were doing and look for a real way out and were blaming Moses because he REALLY screwed up this time.  Instead of making them feel stupid or belittling their fear, he said, “¹⁴  The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”

There are times I don’t believe God will fight for me, or that others will, so I scramble or do things that SEEM like a good idea – I mean, we all have to eat…talking things through with friends can be good…laughing is fun.  The reality is, when we create habits that become an oxygen mask for us, sustaining our situation, instead of walking through the healing process, we continue to slowly die.  Oxygen is necessary for our survival.  I get it.  But when you are dying, all it does is sustain you.  It doesn’t heal your condition.

Being still is not easy.  Asking for help is not easy.  Praying is not always easy.  It is incredibly difficult and you feel naked and vulnerable and it is scary and you have to be brave and when you can’t be brave, you have to ask for others to stand with you and for you – others you TRUST.  Others that won’t allow you to put back on the mask, because they love you.  Others that will tell you the truth in kindness, because it IS lifesaving.

List the things that are currently consuming you.

What are the things you do that sustain your condition?

What steps can you take to start breathing on your own (bring true healing)?

How can you be still?

Who can you ask for help?

Share discovery**.

Close your eyes.  Breathe in.  Let the air fill your lungs to capacity.  Let it out.  Breathe.  Picture what being well looks like for you.  Envision you…well.

In your breathing, ask God where you need to be still.  Ask for help.  Be honest in your prayers.  Ask God to step in and fight for you.

Even when we decide to place that mask back on, and there are times you will just need to do it to survive, we are still loved.  You are still loved.

**If you were at church Sunday or are just reading this for the first time, I would love for you to share your discoveries here, if you are comfortable.  This is not a place to attack others or criticize where people are in their journey, but to share your story and respect the stories of others.

Recently, I started a group through the Bridge Christian Church, where I co-pastor not support pastor, but labor, build, struggle, birth, and create to live alongside each other trying to figure out what the hell it means to be the body of Christ.

This group is not exclusively for the Bridge, it’s for anyone that identifies as a women, thus enduring what all women endure, in the church and in our culture. How that has and is affecting us as women, mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and singles? We also explore how this has and is effecting men, fathers, sons, brothers, husbands and singles? You may be thinking; Why should I care? I’ve gotten what I want, I’m a pastor, I get to work where very few women in our society will ever be allowed to work. I care because I want more for my daughter and my son than complementarianism and second best. I want them to someday step from the relative safety of our home and know that they both can do whatever they want! That my son is better and more than the “eventual head of some household”, where he will have to make ALL THE DECISIONS ALONE and be pandered to.

Martha Peace advises, “The godly wife must also suppress selfish desires (for romance, a career, an equitable marriage), practice addressing her spouse in soothing tones” (http://www.motherjones.com/media/2009/03/books-purpose-driven-wife)

I want him to know that he has the right to a partnership where the equality is shared, not hoarded, he is not a child that needs to be spoken to in soothing tones. That he can be a compassionate, emotional, empathizing male. And that does not make him less.

That my daughter is equal to any man and any man who asks her to be less than she is, is not a man. That there is more for her life than silence and submission (and in fact submission isn’t what the church has made it out to be).

Now before faith came, we were imprisoned and guarded under the law until faith would be revealed.  Therefore the law was our disciplinarian until Christ came, so that we might be justified by faith.  But now that faith has come, we are no longer subject to a disciplinarian, for in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.  As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.  There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.  And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to the promise. (Galatians 3: 23-29)

We are our world’s best hope, living out a transformed life! Not being silent when we see injustice. Owning our part and being part of the solution.

Galation 5:1      

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.

Out of the gate with a scripture, this may be a first for me. I want you to listen to this scripture and as we talk hold it in the back of your mind. It will answer itself.

So lately, I have been looking at something I do as a 2 The Helper on the Enneagram. If you are a part of this community long enough you will or have already heard a lot of us talking about The Enneagram. In brief, it is another tool of Awareness that can help us see how our personalities and the way we are wired drives the choices we make. http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/Tests_Battery.asp

I like to do PR for myself. You may be asking what’s the big deal??? Or what do you mean by PR? Well, what I mean by that is…I don’t like to look bad to others especially, if I tried to do the right thing; I don’t like people to be mad at me, whatever the reason; I have a fear of being unwanted, unworthy of being loved.

The big deal is. I never saw this about myself. And I’m not thrilled that this is something I do. How this all revealed itself was, recently I was going through what felt like a break up from a friend and felt cut off from anyway of resolving it (fixing it). That is not a place I like to find myself. It’s one thing to have a conflict with someone, it’s entirely something else to have a conflict that can’t seem to get resolved. Your only option seems to be just leaving it sitting inside of you and around you cutting off your air supply.

I was trying to figure out how to get reconciliation (or something that would make me feel better). That’s what most of these situations seem to be about really making me feel better and not having conflict. I spoke to a friend about what I was thinking. That friend said, “Angie you don’t have to do PR for yourself”. What? I wasn’t doing PR, all I want is to avoid a real mess or this disagreement spiraling out of control. Again…“well, you don’t have to do PR, you can just leave it and let it be for awhile”. My friend said.

Hold the phone! What would life be without me tidying it up? I’m the one that cleans up the messes and ties up the loose ends. How can I let things stay messy and not try and fix them? How can I stay in the mess of this? How will I know that I am Loved, if I don’t try to fix this?

What a good friend! I think at some level I knew that I did PR. I just wouldn’t have called it that. I’ve been working toward new understanding for awhile. I know I don’t like things left hanging and look for ways to get them resolved. Often at the expense of myself or real peace in my life. I saw this as a righteous characteristic. I mean, it felt like reconciliation after all. Which feels good at the time and resembles real reconciliation.

When you feel you are doing something good, how can it be wrong? Name an experience in your life where you meant something for good and it backfired? ie. misunderstanding with a friend that you tried to make right and they couldn’t hear you; helping someone and they don’t appreciate it; a project you wanted to be inclusive to everyone and ended up alienating many etc. (When we answered this in the community of The Bridge people were very vulnerable with their experiences. The experiences that didn’t turn out they way they envisioned, even when they felt they had done the right thing. Feel free to answer this question for yourself and post it below.)

(READ AT LEAST 2 TIMES) “When good things can also be recognized as bad things, then you have the spiritual gift of discernment. This will also allow you to see that many things which are good for you are also bad things for other people, the animals, or the earth. It forces you beyond “either/or” thinking toward “both/and,” or non-dual, thinking. Once you have learned to discern the disguised nature of evil, you will be able to recognize that both perfection and imperfection are everywhere—everything is broken and fallen: weak and poor, you and me, your marriage, your children, and, yes, America and the Church, too.” FR. Richard Rohr

All of this may sound so simple in hindsight, but in the heat of the moment and in the pain, anger and rejection we may be feeling it may be nearly impossible to get a different perspective. That friend using words that didn’t have the sting that maybe kiss ass or codependent might have for me became a pivotal piece to my new found awareness of my tendencies. It also helped me to be able to hear something I was ready to hear. This was a moment of life long slavery to my own PR, turning into the beginnings of LIBERATION FOR ME! Does this mean that now I have this figured out? Hardly, but I have the new beginnings of noticing.

Because I have this new found frame of reference, I have something new to practice. I have new questions to ask…What is my motivation? What am I afraid of leaving untidy? What piece of this am I trying to sew up? Why can’t I just let this be messy? This liberation has left me with the thought…Why am I seeing this now? I don’t have the answer to this. I think most of life, if we are open to it, is made up of tiny revelations, not massive ones. Baby steps forward and baby steps backward. Sort of a beautifully frustrating dance toward health. God is faithful in the “Big Reveal” to have us get it. She is not sitting waiting for us to shape up and have it all together. Timing maybe is everything.

What to bring:

If your last name begins with….
A-I: Bring a MAIN DISH to share
J-Q: Bring a SIDE DISH or SALAD to share
R-Z: Bring a DESSERT to share

Those of you that signed up to help, we will be contacting you later today with details.

Also, we are looking for a few folks to express with the group in song, dance, spoken word, art, etc that communicates WHO YOU ARE, as part of our “fine dining” experience together. If you would like to contribute, please contact us by Wednesday, January 25th, via bridgechurch@gmail.com.

What is the 1st thought that pops into your head when I say, “You need to give your will over to God”

Answers on SLIDE ONE:

What I think of is, “What the hell does that mean anyway?” Or “Great another thing that I’m bound to fail at”.

I’m not sure where the thoughts you have around the will come from.  I know, for me, most are rooted in my childhood need to be perfect, which was compounded in my evangelical upbringing.

Take this for instance…”God is going to make me marry someone I’m not attracted to AT ALL and see if I am faithful in this one small thing He is asking”. This is a funny one, but I believed it for years and lived in fear that that is exactly what God would do to me. I would go as far as looking at the boys I least liked and figuring I would have no choice, but to end up with them. Now I’m not saying that I heard this brilliant theology in church, but something that I was hearing was exacerbating the belief that was already in there.

To me:
God’s perfect will most resembles bullying behavior…

All of us have these little or big things we believe about God, right or wrong and those beliefs influence our behavior. We have these beliefs whether we grew up with a Christian belief system or not. We have all at some point in our life contemplated God or our Higher Power from some angle, mainly the angle that was given to us by a person or persons of influence.

How would you define will?
Definitions on SLIDE TWO

What does it look like when someone tries to gain the “upper hand” with you (take your will away)?

For instance, manipulation, power plays (rage, withholding, silent treatment, isolation, etc.), fear tactics, mind games.

When was the last time this happened to you? How did you feel?

Try and remember what it felt like in your body. Did you pull away, get enraged, lash out, smolder, go stoic? When we can get at that “first” feeling, we can better understand our own reactions and better respond appropriately.

Feedback on SLIDE 3

Where in your life can you see that you favor the “upper hand” (take back your will)?

ME: Every time I need to control a situation or a person either by getting “Bigger” (showing what I know or getting angrier than is appropriate for the circumstance.) or getting “Smaller” (If I minimize my feelings here maybe this will all just go away, the situation may call for a stronger reaction than I’m willing to give)

Feedback on SLIDE 3

All of these things happening to us and by us are indicators of something bigger going on under the surface.

We can not change anything we are not willing to look at.

To Me:
God is a tyrant and His perfect will for me, is to make me pay for all the mistakes/sin I’ve done…

We have to somehow turn the belief around and redeem for ourselves a God of love.
How do we do this? How do we change anything we do repetitively?
We start by looking…

We have to first figure out how to develop Healthy Behavior…
And that looks like Changing our Feelings around the thing first
If our feelings change then our Thinking can change as well
When the two both change, Our Behaviors will follow

If I hear someone say to me “God is love” but I hear those words from that place where scripture has been used as a weapon. “God is love, but God Hates this person or that person”. I can’t see or feel that love of God, even if that love is real and that love is for me.
If someone tells me “You are made in the image of God” but I’ve been taught to hate myself. How can I reconcile what “You are made in the image of God” really means?

You may be asking what God’s love and our will have to do with one another.

If you don’t know who God really is and what God’s love is really about you will misinterpret what God is asking of you (God’s will). For instance, God making me marry someone I wasn’t attracted to or If God hates you what must God’s will look like for you?

When we can readjust our vision and keep readjusting it like the eye doctor does at your eye exam…OK, now which is clear your left eye or your right. Now which is clearer, and now? It’s a life time work of readjusting. When we do this we can more easily yield to a will that is always more loving than our own.
How does that make you feel? Does that make you want to punch something?

Feedback on SLIDE 3

God’s yoke is easy and God’s burden is light.
Doesn’t make more sense to use that phrase when you know how God feels about you? It just seems like a cruel joke otherwise.

This is one of the ways I daily adjust my will. Lets say it together.

Our Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, God which art in heaven and on earth,

Undilutable is Your generous nature

Your Kingdom come.

Your will be done on earth,

As it is in heaven.

Give us this day everything we need and not more

And blot out the stains of our misguided shortcuts (name them)

As we forgive those that have wounded us with their shortcuts (name them)

And guide us around the seductive empty promises,

take us the long way around every potential evil.

For Yours is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

Two weeks ago, Garret challenged us with his vulnerability in sharing his quest for intimacy with a Christian God that didn’t seem to respond back. He challenged us with his very real upbringing whose tradition left a bad taste in his mouth because of its need to hoodwink and rewrite history. He challenged us by having us take a hard look at our faith and ask how it plays against the spectrum of history. And He challenged us by asking if someone who doesn’t deem themselves a follower of Christ is really welcome at a church.

This week I would like to challenge us with something equally as intense and moving. Well definitely moving…I mean, it probably got us to where we were going today. Today I would like to challenge us with a story of a tire.

Once upon a time. There was a sinister Badguy who always liked to mess with people,
and he loved money. One day he was walking along the sidewalk in front of Goodguy’s house.

Goodguy was watering his beautiful garden with grey water he collected from his shower the day before, what a good guy. When all of the sudden, Badguy slipped on the water and fell down.

“Poor dear!” Goodguy yelled, and went to go help him.

Badguy had bumped his head terribly, there was even blood on the sidewalk,
so Goodguy called an ambulance. And the ambulance took him away.

Goodguy called the hospital to see how Badguy was, it turned out that he just needed some stitches and some rest. “Whew” thought good guy and sent Badguy some flowers, what a good guy,

Well, a couple weeks go by and because Goodguy and Badguy don’t run in the same crowds they don’t see each other.

One day, Goodguy opened up his mailbox to find some mail, as he was recycling his junkmail, what a good guy, he stumbles upon a notice of a lawsuit.

Sure enough Badguy was suing him for the hospital, ambulance fees, and duress to the sum of $5,000.

Goodguy didn’t know what to do. It was an accident, he thought he did the right thing, but now he has to get a lawyer, and possibly pay $5,000. (good guy isn’t the best of savers when it comes to money, he tends to give it to the poor… what a good guy)

Goodguy has to take a couple more shifts at work to pay for the lawyer, and as a result, has to miss a couple friends’ birthday parties. He sends them a nice card, but is sad he can’t be there. His lawyer instructs him to hold back on watering his beautiful garden so that there are no more issues with slipping. This causes Goodguy’s plants to turn brown and ugly. And makes Goodguy very sad. Over the course of working with the lawyer, Goodguy finds out that Badguy has 5 other lawsuits in place for other insignificant issues. This makes Goodguy angry.

Here’s where a tire comes in. One evening as good guy is coming home from a double shift,
tired, weary and hungry, on the side of the road he spots Badguy.

Apparently Badguy was also coming home from work when his tire hit a nail. Well it just so happened that his phone had just run out of juice, and to top it all off, the spare in the trunk was flat.

Now good guy has a working phone, he still has 2 more “free tows” on a AAA card, a hungry stomach, a little bit of a grudge toward bad guy.

Now this is where you guys are faced with a dilemma. What should Goodguy do?

———–comments 
Pass Badguy by, Do a trade (his phone and AAA for no lawsuit), Simply help.

Let’s see what happens… A couple weeks later in court, bad guy’s lawyers were really good, so good guy was sentenced to pay the entire sum of $5000 (and that doesn’t include his lawyer fees). The End

This is a difficult scenario. No matter what, good guy is going to be sued. No matter what, bad guy is going to be a bad guy. Good guy is going to be good even if he uses his AAA card to fix the tire or not. I just want to pose this crazy dilemma illustrate something that Jesus said.

Below I have some statements from Jesus. I would like to point out that I am not writing Jesus’ statements so that you HAVE to agree with them (and me). It’s good to realize that sometimes people put up bible references to regulate behavior. And – though my intention is to influence you possibly with the direction of these verses – I would rather you be inspired by their meaning rather than “shoulded” into behavior…

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Luke 14: 26-27 “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

John 8:31-32 So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, “If you follow my commands, then you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”

Now, it may not look like it, But in the different gospel contexts, each of these statements is dealing with the same thing. To find rest, freedom and peace Jesus is suggesting that one needs to learn from him how to do what he does. When it is boiled down, it is very simple AND extremely challenging.

Let me give very quick explanations for each of these statements:
Jesus in Matthew, is describing the way to be truly human. This ultimately is the easiest way to live. The way to find rest is to take up the same burden and learn from Jesus as a teacher. The yoke is a picture of partnership that the young ox is learning side by side from the more experienced ox.

In Luke, Jesus is using harsh language to articulate the point that if there are loves above that of being his disciple, -pupil, apprentice, student- the whole thing won’t work out. Now, this isn’t a shaming statement, saying you better not love your family more than me. He is using the image of a man carrying his cross up a hill to be crucified to depict the singularity of intention that you need in order to do this thing called following Jesus. When someone is carrying their cross, they aren’t thinking: I wonder if there is a new “Good wife” on TV tonight. I wonder what’s for dinner. They are probably at a place where they can’t even think about their death, they are in a place where their singular focus is to carry this terrible timber on their back. This is a statement that says, if you put the love of yourself or family or anything above the love of coming after me, it just won’t work out.

Finally in the John statement, the freedom is very similar to the rest of Matthew, but he is articulating who is actually following him: Those who follow his commands. So essentially if you follow the commands, than you are an apprentice, and you will know truth, which will make you free, According to this statement: Knowing truth, is contingent on following the master’s words. You have to learn and follow and do, before you know and are free. This is very esoteric, until you ask the question: what are Jesus’ commands?

What are Jesus commands to us?

Let’s see how these wonderful statements influence our tire story:

(For my sake Let’s assume that Goodguy is interested in being inspired by these statements, he doesn’t see them as a law but rather a set of statements that his hero and teacher said. Let’s also assume that good guy is also interested in learning from Jesus as a teacher.)

Going backwards from John to Luke to Matthew:
In the tire story, what are the applicable commands that Jesus is asking of Goodguy?

• THE GOLDEN RULE
• FORGIVE EVERYBODY OF ALL THEIR OFFENSES AGAINST YOU
• LET PEOPLE SEE YOUR GOOD WORKS
• DO NOT RETURN OFFENSE FOR OFFENSE
• LOVE YOUR ENEMIES AND THOSE WHO WORK AGAINST YOU
• DO NOT WORRY ABOUT YOUR MATERIAL NEEDS
• DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE
• DO NOT JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE
• COMFORT THOSE IN DISTRESS
• BE LIKE THE GOOD SAMARITAN
• LOVE OTHER PEOPLE AS I HAVE LOVED YOU
• BE MERCIFUL

In thinking about the Luke passage…
What is getting in the way of Goodguy following what Jesus is asking?

• Judgement
• Himself
• Fear of another lawsuit
• Desire to “payback”

Do you see how putting your role as a student of Jesus clears up the issue on what Goodguy wants to do? Even if it is hard…. Actually especially when it is hard.

So in light of what is asked of Goodguy, and what his intention is,
What is the way of “rest” in the tire story?

• To simply help

Do you agree? (I would love for you to comment below)

So according to Jesus… if you follow, you will see the truth, and be set free.

In this scenario, what truth do you see?
What is Goodguy being set free from?

As we live, there is a lot that can cloud our faith. We may not know answers to cosmic questions from the top down, and if we do, more then likely, our arrogance will show that we really don’t KNOW the answers. I wanted to bring us the tire story to show that things DO get muddy, and though we might be good guys, there still is a difference between good people and the followers of Jesus. Followers of Jesus must Trust Jesus as a teacher, they must learn from him as a teacher, if they are to keep it up, they must put the requests of their teacher as their top priority even above themselves. By doing this, Jesus says much that clouds our faith will clear up, and it will be the optimum way of being human.

I want to live a life that is restful to my soul.

Personally, I am still a ways from automatically pulling over and providing my enemy with the same services that I would a friend. And this shows me that there’s quite a bit that I love ahead of following my teacher Jesus. Specifically … myself… my comfort… my sense of “I’m Right”. Thankfully the job of the student is to learn, and develop the skill. The final isn’t tomorrow. But I do need to practice today. I would like to encourage you to join me in rekindling that desire to see what is important. and I would love for you to join me in clearing away some of those clouds and ambiguities by doing what IS right so that we can actually BE the good guys.

Hello Church Family,

I come most weeks and struggle through our gatherings. I love you. But this is a Christian church, and right now, I wonder if I can or should continue to be part of it. Maybe together, we can discuss that. First, I’ll give my honesty, and then I hope you will reply with yours.

I came to The Bridge four and a half years ago, as a young, zealous Bible-college trained Christian tool. Holding the ideas of Christianity like precious newborn babies, like brand new leather shoes, like a fair trade chocolate bar, like a humming bird, like a miracle.

Told that God loves us unconditionally,
the invitation I received into the Kingdom family was open to all who would receive it,
and the Way of Jesus was the best Way, making life better for all who observed and practiced it.
I had starry eyed romanticized spiritual and religious ideas;
like Mother Theresa, I was ready for a marriage ceremony with Jesus,
or like Howard Hughes, I acted on strong OCD impulses if I interpreted them Holy Spirit led.
I took God, faith, church, and eternity seriously. I always have. I always will.

I was given a Bible in middle school. Reading three or more verses a day, I made it through the first time by ninth grade. I read every day, through all the years I didn’t believe, through the years I didn’t go to church, and all the more in the years after accepting the faith, and acting on it. I became more passionate, devout, intense, studious, and active. Study, discovery, hope for intimacy with God, and the righting of wrongs fueled me on for ten years. In 2010, the fuel burned out.

I had tested scripture. I had practiced the spiritual disciplines. I had tried God. And, I had tried the Way, until my love allowed me no further.

Some beliefs and practices bore good fruit, others did not bear fruit, and some bore bad fruit.

Through these experiences, a thousand dollars of plus in professional counseling, a stack of highly recommended books, the shared experiences of friends and family, and lots of process, I learned that no amount of work can cause intimacy with or earn intimacy from another being, including God.

After ten years, I had not received (what had been promised me both in literal interpretation of scripture and by most every Christian) direct, clear, personal, intelligible communication, affection, or visions from God.

Communication seemed almost entirely one sided. And all of my inner coaching remedies, rationalizations, justifications, and encouragements (“It’s okay, because God revealed himself in Biblical times. That’s good enough.” Or, “He reveals himself to those who don’t have enough revelation, in foreign countries,” etc.) were worn out from excessive use.

Intimacy takes work, but it requires two beings to each engage. (That lesson was life shattering for me, but necessary).

I had tried to maintain relationships by myself plenty of times before.

It didn’t work in college with my Dad. It didn’t work with friends after I moved. It didn’t work with girls who didn’t like me. It didn’t work with my friends who didn’t see me as their friend. It only worked when my Dad chose to engage back, when a friend and I mutually chose friendship.

I don’t know if we can have expectations for how others show up in our lives without suffering needlessly for it. I learned that when others don’t relate to me how I want or need, I am the only one who controls how much I let that get to me. This includes God. And in those circumstances, I am the only one responsible for how I choose to relate to them.

When I prayed in faith, for and with men ready for suicide or homicide,

or when I reached out in faith, but couldn’t remedy the icy exposed sidewalk bedrooms of elderly homeless women, or as runaway youth refused, wouldn’t, or couldn’t take the options afforded them, and I had given beyond my comfort, beyond my means, and yet knew that I still had not given beyond what was my duty according to biblical mandates,

I felt stolen from and exploited, taken advantage of and objectified.
(somewhat from people, but greatly from God);
I felt devalued, neglected, unseen, and on the verge of expiration.
(I know now, years later, that my feelings were my responsibility).
Bridge Church friends, Morgan and Eric reminded me that
if I keep doing the same thing, I’ll get what I already got,
if I keep trying the same things, I’ll get the same results, or lack thereof.
I was done, not with blind faith, nor with prayer or thanksgiving, but
I was done accepting my level of ignorance and narrowness.

If my faith was not out of a real, tangible, mutual relationship, then it was only based off of the Biblical scriptures I had read and the lessons of Christian discipleship. And if that wasn’t enough, then I needed to be honest with myself, and begin to show up differently.

I decided to let go of expectations for God, to seek and approach differently, and to communicate honestly with God. I imagined that my soul’s salvation–eternity–is at stake, but also that an all knowing God already knew I didn’t really believe as much as I was afraid, and he knew that he wasn’t responding like scriptures said he would, so either there was a problem with scripture I was believing in, or a mistake about the God I was believing in, or both. I knew from those I’d loved up until now, that I want nothing less than the truth–pure, open, full, and living.

If I am ever to be a husband, my spiritual identity, wellness, and direction are all pertinent to being knowable and known (being intimate with someone in a synergistic relationship). And if I father a child, with what standard would I raise them, to believe in who, in what, if I didn’t take the time to ask, seek, knock, receive, find, and embrace, how could I direct or guide a child? I decided that fear (of Hell or evil) was not good enough, but that only faith, hope, and love would be good enough motives to fuel and sustain my life and how I relate to a companion and a child.

I hope that God sees (the) love, the courage, the faith, and the conviction in my honesty.

I chose to be honest with others,

and to be open about my asking, seeking, knocking, (and the results).

And I decided to listen,

not just in the silence and to the words of The Bible,

but now to listen to other people, to nature, to the records and accounts of history.

This was both exciting and frightening; still is. I had no idea what I’d discover or how I’d respond, so I hired a life coach, a friend in his sixties who has been there, done that, read that, prayed that, asked, sought, and knocked on that, who shows up in the world in a way I aspire to. I told him I wanted to have a vantage point in this search for context. And so the year of the library checkout, my Goodwill Hunting degree program began:

History:

“The partner in the dialogue with God is not the individual man,” as Gordon Kaufman says,
“but the human species as a whole.”
I wish I could walk you through all of what I’ve encountered thus far, but I’ll share the most helpful items:
The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell,
The Discovery of God by Rodney Stark,
The Evolution of God by Robert Wright
Jesus Outside The New Testament by Robert Van Voorst,
the timeline in the Handy Religion Answer Book by John Renard,
and, of course, the priceless online community encyclopedia–Wikipedia.

I read that near

• 6500 BC – The wheel was invented
• 4000BC – The earliest Hindu Vedic hymns were written.
• 3500BC – The earliest roots of the Hebrew (Judeo Christian) tradition
• 3000 BC – Stonehenge had been erected in England
• 2700 BC – Fang Shi Shamans of Daoism were active in China
• 2630 BC – The lunar calendar in China
• 2600 BC – Early Egyptian pyramids were erected
• 1900 BC – The Code of Hammurabi
• 1700 BC – God’s Covenant with Abraham
• 1374 BC – Amenhotep IV established the worship of one god “Aten” in Egypt.
• (The Great Hymn to Aten is similar to Psalm 104 not yet written until 300 years later).
• 1362 BC – King “Tut” did his best to re-establish the many gods of Egypt.
• ? 1310-1050 BC – The Exodus of the Hebrews (from Egypt).
• 1200 BC – The Olmec civilization and worship rose in Mexico.
• 1028 BC – The I-Ching, Chinese manual of divination (possibly the third millennium BC).
• 1010 BC – The kingships of Saul and David (approximate).
• 970 BC – Solomon’s Temple.
• 700 BC – Musical notation and gun powder were invented.
• (And then was the Axial Age, a religious and spiritual explosion in just over one hundred years:)
• 600 – Jeremiah prophesied; also the traditional date of Lao Tzu and the founding of Taoism.
• 560 – Siddhartha Gautama, The Buddha lives.
• Zarathustra, also known as Zoroaster, founded Zoroastrianism, with similar claims and teachings to Jesus (before Christ, though his date is debated widely, between 6000 and 100BC).
• 515 – The Jewish Temple is rebuilt
• 509 – Rome builds a republic
• 500 – The Bhagivad Gita is composed
• 468 – The traditional date of Jainism’s Mahavira
• 400 – Confucius’ sayings are edited.
• 356 – Alexander the Great
• 350 – The Dao De Jing is composed.
• 246- The Great wall of China is built and terracotta soldiers are buried.
• 200 – The Hindu Ramayana Epic is composed.
• 168 – The Maccabees revolt.
• 37 – Herod the Great rules.
• 27 – Augustus Caesar founds the Roman Empire.
• At the turn of the Common Era, is the life of Jesus Christ.

(So much happened all across the world before that and so much has happened since.)

Considering history, how do you approach God? (Post Your Comments Below).

As I look at history, I see a human species engaging God with their eyes, minds, and mouths.
I see some observing, and describing.
I see some imagining, often in story, and mythic explanations of what they observe in nature.
I see some speaking to with their minds and mouths, with writings and songs.
And also often, there have been humans
talking about a god or gods who engaged them,
sometimes these people describe what was said, and other times they tell direct quotes.
While I haven’t read all of what all of them said yet,
and I am eager–intrigued–to encounter what is recorded
knowing some of it will be immeasurably beneficial to my mind, heart, spirit and soul, even to what I think about God, how I seek, and imagine God,

but as far as I know, none of it will do anything to God’s relationship with me.

That is up to God. I cannot control him and I won’t manipulate him.

But, I can do some things.

• I acknowledge what I observe, know, and believe. I didn’t create myself, nor you, nor this place.
• I marvel at what we call existence, nature, the universe, life.
• I observe, accept, and express the humbling moments and realizations in life.
• I express gratitude. (Gratitude is one of the greatest, most infectious gifts.)
• I choose to love and accept myself. I choose to make adjustments to how I show up in the world.
• I live with creativity and move toward goodness, edification, contribution, and benefit.
• I consider what is beyond me–other beings, other creatures, and all of creation.
• I treat things and beings with sanctity, respect, and humility.
• I wonder and imagine what could be, and I treat what is transcendent, mysterious, or unknown with delicacy, intrigue, and humility. (and in all of these, I know I often do not; still I aim.)

Science:

In the conclusion to His book, Discovering God,
Rodney Stark sees “The universe itself as the ultimate revelation of God…

in the most fundamental sense, science is theology

and thereby serves as another method for the discovery of God.”

“It was only because they believed in God as the Intelligent Designer of a rational universe that Europeans pursued the secrets of Creation: Newton, Kepler, Galileo, and all the other stalwarts of the extraordinary flowering of science in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries regarded Creation itself as a book that was to be read.”

If many biblical messages are true, Creation is God’s oldest history book, bearing his fingerprints, and showing his artistry. But the book of Creation will be confusing if I limit and constrain it because of books, the Bible, found inside it. Clearly, biblical scriptures discuss what is transcendent. But whether The Bible is inspired–the Word of God, or not, I do not know. I know I am amazed by the glory and majesty seen in Creation. Microscopes cannot see small enough. Telescopes cannot see far enough. Life is a miracle, a gift, a mystery.

For many it is painful, burdensome, with fear, misery, suffering, and despair. I cannot understand what that kind of life would be like. As bad as mine has ever been, it has also been good.

I am grateful for the gift of this life, thought, emotion, sight, touch, mobility, creativity, the universe, imagination, and wonder about what transcends and is beyond!

I do not know if God can be known.

I do not know if anyone has met God. Neither do I know if anyone has not met God.

I am grateful for every bit of growth and benefit I have been privileged through having become a Christian, following the Way of Jesus, and studying the books and messages of The Bible.

I pray I never forget passages like chapter five of the letter from Paul to the Galatians:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

The Church:

For the past year, I chose to continue connecting and gathering, in relationship with The Bridge Church Family, because for me it meant synergy.

It is the synergy–the whole being greater than the sum of its parts–that makes it.

Food. Music. Experiences. Collective knowledge and wonder. Resources. Holidays. Celebration and Mourning.

The Church is a conglomeration (and gathering) of those who wonder, marvel, inquire, imagine, seek, observe, learn, share, thank, praise, aim, and aspire. The Church is an immeasurably significant extended family and friend community, network, and support structure.

The Bridge is a Christian church. The Christian church (is a part of what I believe to be an even larger Church that) believes in, worships, and follows the Way of Jesus Christ. I, Garret Potter, cannot say that I do that right now. I know that I benefit greatly from The Church, and I think The Church benefits from me too.

How do you approach The Church? (Post Your Comments Below).

Whole Is More

My memory reaches back to about the time that I was four,
and for as long as I can remember,
I have been hungry.
I used to play Duck Hunt,
that Nintendo game using a gray and orange plastic gun,
hunting pixilated images of ducks like I was starving,
like success meant survival (on the prairie imaginary).
(I was hungry)
On the same television, I watched Captain Planet, (Inspector Gadget),
The Smurfs, and The Ninja Turtles.
And since my favorite color was blue,
Leonardo, (the blue one) with swords and attitude,
was my favorite.
I wanted to be him.
My mother empowered me for Halloween at least three years
to trick or treat alongside Dracula who had possessed my big brother.
I prayed my first prayer at age five,
standing alone in my mother’s boyfriend’s driveway,
taking a risk to ask God for the Ninja Turtle blimp (toy),
I think; I never got it.
I still pray sometimes.
My earliest happy memory is
when I learned to ride a bicycle.
My mother was uphill behind me and the camera.
my father below urging with his arms.
and I did it! I rode.
I was so stoked!
not because of the cool brush of wind past my face,
nor the weightless sensation of momentum,
but the thought that I had breached what barricaded me from my father,
achieving a success so magnificent that I would earn his welcome,
but it didn’t work out that way…
(See,) I love both of my parents,
But my mother was the one to capture good memories with cameras.
And the court decided I would spend most memorable years away from her.
There are fewer pictures.
My first hope for romance was in kindergarten, an angel named Jill.
My first girlfriend’s name was Jennifer; one of many I passed notes to in the 90s.
when text messages were hand written, (only electric in metaphor).
I tried to fit in to Cross Colors, Vans, Airwalks,
and those silk button ups from the Burlington Coat Factory;
hungry for approval.
I spent at least half an hour designing,
my side spike down the part,\
mullet party in the back,
steps trimmed up the side,
all beneath thick hairspray enamel,
My hair cut was a time capsule,
capturing the best of North Louisiana prep, MC hammer,
and Metallica’s Jason Newsted.
My earliest memory of pain is crashing that same bicycle.
biting (it) teeth first into the pavement.
My father built us a hot pink spray painted wooden ramp
for a birthday present.
Without experience, I assumed it only took speed,
so I charged, full terror, half balls,
no knowledge of bunny hopping;
I never caught air that day,
but the sidewalk’s equal and opposite kiss.
My mother came and whisked me inside,
washed and iced the affected half of my face,
sat us (down) on the couch,
and held me close.
I remember how safe I felt
…until she blamed my father.
And, I remember now with anger,
because it wasn’t his fault.
All he had done was give us a gift
that maybe it would take pain to learn how to use.
Just as he had done when planting us in our fertile mother,
and she birthed us into a life full of excruciating gifts,
like middle school, genitals, free will, and questions.
Like romance and poetry.
The first poem I remember is Hungry Mungry by Shel Silverstein,
telling how Mungry ate and ate everything
in the universe,
until nothing was left but his chattering teeth.
(I thought it was hilarious!) (It became) my instant favorite.
Not until years later did I realize how much we had in common,
how hungry I had been,
and how so many failed attempts to satisfy taught me
that maybe more is less,
and maybe whole is more,
and even nuclear families can explode,
so when I feel the hunger pains come,
I look for other memories to tide me over…like
At age five,
I would pile every pillow and stuffed animal in the corner of my room,
climb up my bed,
arrayed in the baby blue glory of my Care Bear onesy,
and stage dive into the plush cloud of their ovation.
Or at age seven, I would usher my mother and brother to their seats
in the amphitheater of our living room couch for a surprise!
Discreetly inserting cassette tape into stereo,
I demonstrated for them
the world’s most epic improvisational hip hop/pop dance
ever performed, in that living room,
to Billy Jean, Black or white, U Can’t Touch This, and
it was Too Legit To Quit.
I danced because I hadn’t yet learned
that people laugh at those they don’t understand.
I danced because I hadn’t learned that untold multitudes of natural born dancers
are paralyzed each (celebratory) day by the fear of not being cool.
I danced because I was a human being.
Alive and still free
with two legs that worked.
So when life hands me each one of its excruciating gifts,
it is memories like stuffed animal stage diving and improvisational dancing
that I search for–
the moments I do not remember being hungry.
Because, sometimes,
sometimes we are full.  

We all have some slime that we hold. Most of it is in our nose. I remember as a kid having a cold and blasting out one of those sneezes that shot out a rope of snot at least a foot in length and running to my mom. Horrified,she tried to take care of it while at the same time dodging its infectious tendrils.

Slime has a protective quality to only the one using it. The rest of those who are in its trail, only seem to be marked and grossed out by its glistening path.

I found out last week that I marked someone with my glistening path of slime about 3 years ago. The person was mature enough to maintain a relationship with me long enough to confront me about it. Unfortunately, it took three years for this person to feel comfortable with me enough to let me know. When you hear the story you will see why it would take so long. The scenario was retold to me like this: I had just spoken at church on a subject that was specifically difficult for this person, and very much as usual, I used humor, and coarse language to try to get my point across. Well, in this case it didn’t sit well with this person. There was too much going on to just let it brush off their back. I’m not sure when they brought me aside, whether it was that week or a week later, but I remember it not being awkward. It was here that they told me the problem that they had with what I said. They said the joking manner was hurtful and unkind, that the nature of the talk made them feel like they were in an unsafe place, and made them feel ashamed of the Bridge.

As they re-approached me three years later with the original confrontation, they offered up my response. To hear my words back from this person 3 years later was very much like if I were to hear about a time I aimed and fired a sneeze right at them. No matter how much it was a defensive mechanism to stop something from entering my nose that would make my body more sick, it still was a brutal attack of unwanted slime. And sure enough what I heard was that: “I prayed about what I was talking about, and I felt that this was appropriate for me to share, so… sorry.”

And even though I said “sorry”, this was not an apology- or a listening, for that matter. It was a defensive dismissal. It was the banana slug numbing the mouth of the confrontor. And though what I said might have been an accurate portrayal of my snapshot of reality, it did nothing for the human who was now DISMISSED IN GOD’S NAME.

Because, what I had pulled out was the ultimate in slime. It would be one thing if I simply dismissed this person by saying: ”Tough luck. My humor is my humor. Deal with it!” Theycould easily say. “Well, the guy’s a douche…now I know.” But no, I pulled the pastor trump card: “God told me.”

“God told me” is the ultimate in responsibility pass off.And though it may be that scripture inspires much of what is good in the world.Most of what we see when people use the “God told me” phrase is their excuse to not have compassion on the humanity that is right next to them. They shoot out the protective slime of “ahigher power” so they don’t have to experience the difficulty of working it out. “God told me YOU ARE ASINNER”…”God told me that what I had to say this Sunday was right, and your reaction was wrong”…”God told me it was important for me to hijack an airplane and drive it into a building.” When taken to this level it is clear that the monstrous use of “God told me” excuses the user from thinking about the actions they are taking to bulldoze the people next to them.

Let me be clear: it is very important to pray, to listen and to have an interactive relationship with God. And that includes obeying things that are difficult that come from your prayer life. However, when we allow those elements to excuse us from listening to or having compassion on those in our vicinity, we have made our right way of acting…wrong.

In Paul’s first Corinthians love chapter he describes how most of us see the whole picture: “Now we see in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I have been known” We all only see a little bit of the big picture…Sometimes we use our slime to pretend we know more than we really know. And eventually (like three years later) it shows.

—————-

I remember a story of another sliming that occurred.

A farmer was down on his luck. Crops weren’t growing, and there were several situations where his prize livestock were dying. Things were not going well on the farm. Then, as if things weren’t going bad enough, his children were in the grange hall discussing what needed to be done with thefarm’s losses, when a storm came in and toppled the building. The farmer’schildren were all crushed in the fallen rubble. All of them! Now, I’m not sure if the level of loss contributed to what happened next, but in this farmer’smourning, he began to develop a skin irritation that began to get worse. It quickly spread like a cancer over his entire body. It was painful and not getting better. People used to envy this great farmer and family man; now when they saw his boiled skin, they shuddered.

A couple of his friends came over and sat with him. What a picture! A friend coming to simply mourn; to sit and be with the afflicted.Sometimes that’s the only thing you can do. And it is the right thing to do.When someone loses their livelihood, children, or health, sometimes the best thing to do is simply sit with them. Listen to them. That’s all. What a gift to give your precious time to simply BE with someone.

However, soon one of the friend’s map of reality got the best of him. In the time that he was sitting with his friend Job, he simply wasn’tfocusing on the guy with a skin issue next to him. Rather, he was trying to piece together why someone who had so much, so quickly was decimated with nothing? His reality map told him that much of what happened to this man was far beyond unfortunate circumstances. Perhaps he was an insurance assessor that had to check the “act of God” box on his assessment of Job’s losses. Regardless,the situation demanded further exploration… because these repercussions could be personal. What did Job do to get into this mess? What did Job do to deserve all this? These became the important questions… because he definitely didn’twant to do whatever Job did.

So out of the silence, one of the “friends” pipes up with his protective slime: “Hey Job? What did you do to deserve all this?”

Job’s answer was “nothing.”

Though an inquiry isn’t out of the question, there are times that are appropriate for mapping out cosmic reality… like college after drinking; and other times that are not. When someone has just lost their livelihood, family, and now their health; it isn’t your chance to learn from their mistakes. It is your chance to be kind, to mourn with them about the loss of their kids, to shake your head at the injustice of death, and sickness. It is your chance to encourage them to shake their fist at God asking, “Why!?!” It is your chance to be on their side. Be Sad.Be Angry. But to argue with them on how they MUST have done SOMETHING to receive such a blow from the heavens is just plain mean. He lost his children! He has skin cancer! It is not time for a teaching moment of a slimy interpretation of reality.

When we allow our interpretation of how things work to trump our compassion and listening ear, we have made what we believe is right… wrong.

——————

I received a more subterraneous sliming a year and a half ago. It was disguised as hope.

My dad had just lost the battle with a very personal form of cancer. He was a very articulate lawyer who was diagnosed with a brain tumor that was growing on the speech center of the brain. As a result, my dad was trapped in his own mind. He could hear perfectly, come up with his answer, yet couldn’tcommunicate- his own personal hell. People thankfully were compassionate, anddidn’t ask Job’s friends’ questions. They understood it was a time to mourn.

In September of 2010, my dad died.

In my head I tried to relieve myself by saying “all dads die.”But making my dad into a statistic did no justice to the fact that all the rest of those dads weren’t my dad. And that I no longer had MY DAD. It was appropriate to feel the loss of that person in your life, and not dismiss it by adding it to the masses.

I heard many things during this time: “I’m sorry for your loss.” “He was a great man.” “It’s better this way.

You really can’t say the right thing to someone who is mourning. It all is a stupid, no win, piece of communication. Personally, I think I would have just preferred a few who would come around me and sit.

It was here I got the hope slime – “He’s so much happier now.” “At least you can rest assured that he is in a better place.”

Now, I understand this map of reality. What is being said is: “After you die, you go to heaven… and heaven is so much better than living here on earth.”

But here’s my problem: I no longer have my father; so you telling me that I need to be happy about something that just happened, is not helpful. On top of that, I might be able to understand if you said something like this if a child just moved out of the house and went to college; or if your co-worker just got promoted to a higher paying job with a nicer boss and great benefits. Though you can be sad that the change occurred, you actually can accurately see that “YES they ARE in a better place.” You can call them up and ask “Is the grass greener over there?” You can see what they are posting on Facebook. There is so much to validate this hopeful statement that, they are in a better place.

On the other hand, telling someone to be happy for their dead father because he just got promoted to heaven… is severing the mourning process. It belittles the loss that the person living must come to terms with. It allows you not to be safe for the person mourning. They have to smile and wince with you in the room because you won’t allow for your vision of reality to include the pain and injustice that death holds within it. There is an injustice to death. There is a sting to death. And telling a child who just received a bee sting to have faith that the sting will go away is a brutal neglect of the task at hand. It’s time to tend to the wound. Comfort. See where it hurts.And be kind.

I know a majority believe in an afterlife of some kind. I have found that sometimes that knowledge anesthetizes us from thinking about the injustice and loss that is involved with death. I recently learned that historically, an understanding of a Heaven after you die is a more recent phenomenon. Rather, Christiansand Jews during Jesus’ time believed in resurrection. They felt that death was an injustice that God, being a good, just God, would make Right. I was surprised to learn that when Jesus told the thief on the cross next to him, that “today you will be with me in paradise.” This was not heaven as we think of it today.But rather … early Christians believed that this was a place where God held those, until the resurrection, when all things would be made right.

I throw this out there because it was helpful for me to realize that I could be sad about my dad dying. That there were other, more substantial thoughts of hope at play within my faith, and I did not have to shut off my mourning process. If we do have a hope that God will make things right in the end, it is more important that we act in compassion today; and not just bulldoze someone who is grieving with a statement that shortcuts the real loss that they have experienced.

Just because it is uncomfortable to cry, mourn, hurt, be sad, be angry, be devastated; doesn’t mean we have to legitimize our wincing faces with a slimy God excuse of hope. It is not Godly to shortcut pain, and force others to be steamrolled in Jesus’ Name. Rather, we must take into consideration the person next to us OVER our map of who God is. God can defend himself. The person in pain next to you needs comfort from the sting. They need you to not slime them with your questions about their mental ascent. They don’tneed you to be right in your picture on how things work… they need you to be right there.

This even is important in the small things. I remember an action that was cut short in my marriage for the better. I don’t remember whathappened… but I was right. In my wisdom I communicated to Crystal “I told you so.” And I’m sure it was done with absolute compassion (sarcasm is dripping from this statement.) It only took once to realize what was coming back at me.Crystal questioned me appropriately, “How does it feel to be right?” My answer melted underneath itself.. “Good?…” Mylesson was this: When my “right” is used against others, it becomes a wrong.

Today, I wish to encourage you to be the kind of friends that will look beyond our unclear view of God and what is RIGHT, and consider that compassion for others and being a friend who listens is more important than being right. If I listened to that person who was saying they were hurt,if Job had friends that could simply sit with him, if I had a community that sought to grieve with me over the need to depict an afterlife to me, and if I could only have compassion for those around me… my right would stay right.Because I chose to cover my nose with a tissue, rather than slime the person with my need to protect myself.

Celebrate Shrove with The Bridge!

Gather together, under one roof, share a meal (of pancake goodness) the last day before Lent begins.

We will share stories of the extravagant love of God and look to the coming ruckus of Easter festivities and, of course, eat Pancakes.

Tuesday, February 21st, 6:30pm

What the heck is Shrove?

This event will be held at the NHOP (Neills’ House of Pancakes).
Get directions on how to get there and what to bring by emailing bridgechurch@gmail.com

by TODD FADEL AND ANGIE FADEL